Okay, so…something happened this week that sort of blindsided me. First, you have to understand that I have tried to really be aware of the things that might give me problems, you know, like being called a “widow” for the first time. I knew that would be difficult, so I made sure that the first time I heard it, it came from my mouth. I think I even referred to myself as a “widder woman” in one conversation. (I know…not sure what I was thinking on that one.) There are several other things, as well, that I have looked for and tried to “own” by basically beating my psyche to the punch.
This week, however, I had my legs cut out from in under me by, of all things, a dental insurance form. It was no big deal…I just had to redo my dental insurance form for work. I rattled off the first few questions, but then I got to the one that tripped me up: Marital Status. It had 2 choices…married or single. My pen automatically went to married, where it has for 30 years. Then I stopped cold. I realized that i couldn’t check it. But I couldn’t bring myself to check single, either.
I wanted to write a little paragraph over in the margin of the form explaining that I was really neither married or single, but for all practical purposes I was still married its just that my husband had died but I still considered myself married and could they PLEASE not force me to check that blasted “single” box because I was really somewhere in between married and single? (For emphasis, please read the previous run on sentence very fast.)
In the end, of course, I had to check single. That’s what the insurance company wanted to know. I had to come to grips with the fact that while in my mind I am still very married to Keith, in the eyes of the world I am single.
So that was a very long introduction to bring me to my post for today. Singleness. The dictionary defines it as “only one in number; one only; unique; sole; or unmarried.” The word itself seems cold and lonely. But the word I really like from that definition is the word “unique.” God created me and molded me into his unique creation, and he knew that I would be traveling this road. I know he has prepared me for all that I am facing and will face, even in my singleness.
The reality is that my relationship with the father is not a group thing. It is not a couple thing. It is my heart connecting with his heart. He and I. As long as I have that relationship, I will never be “only one in number.” I can boldly call on him for all my needs. And in my times of loneliness, he is there. I am blessed.
So, yes…I am single…but I am not alone.
So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.
Blessings, my friends!