Okay, so…something happened this week that sort of blindsided me. First, you have to understand that I have tried to really be aware of the things that might give me problems, you know, like being called a “widow” for the first time. I knew that would be difficult, so I made sure that the first time I heard it, it came from my mouth. I think I even referred to myself as a “widder woman” in one conversation. (I know…not sure what I was thinking on that one.) There are several other things, as well, that I have looked for and tried to “own” by basically beating my psyche to the punch.
This week, however, I had my legs cut out from in under me by, of all things, a dental insurance form. It was no big deal…I just had to redo my dental insurance form for work. I rattled off the first few questions, but then I got to the one that tripped me up: Marital Status. It had 2 choices…married or single. My pen automatically went to married, where it has for 30 years. Then I stopped cold. I realized that i couldn’t check it. But I couldn’t bring myself to check single, either.
I wanted to write a little paragraph over in the margin of the form explaining that I was really neither married or single, but for all practical purposes I was still married its just that my husband had died but I still considered myself married and could they PLEASE not force me to check that blasted “single” box because I was really somewhere in between married and single? (For emphasis, please read the previous run on sentence very fast.)
In the end, of course, I had to check single. That’s what the insurance company wanted to know. I had to come to grips with the fact that while in my mind I am still very married to Keith, in the eyes of the world I am single.
So that was a very long introduction to bring me to my post for today. Singleness. The dictionary defines it as “only one in number; one only; unique; sole; or unmarried.” The word itself seems cold and lonely. But the word I really like from that definition is the word “unique.” God created me and molded me into his unique creation, and he knew that I would be traveling this road. I know he has prepared me for all that I am facing and will face, even in my singleness.
The reality is that my relationship with the father is not a group thing. It is not a couple thing. It is my heart connecting with his heart. He and I. As long as I have that relationship, I will never be “only one in number.” I can boldly call on him for all my needs. And in my times of loneliness, he is there. I am blessed.
So, yes…I am single…but I am not alone.
So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.
Hebrews 4:16
Blessings, my friends!
Love you, LeeAnn. You are very much married in my mind. When I think about the marriage vows I just took and pray for strength to fulfill them, I think of you and how you kept your vows to their completion, and even now you’re still honoring your vows to Keith. It’s so beautiful.
Hey Hey LeeAnn …
This 1 thing … you’ve already got a leg up on it Girl. You know who you are and Whose you are. People who are forced into singledom (for whatever reason) and don’t know those two things … can never embrace the “magical” sensation of knowing how comforting and adventurous this “1” thing can be.
I wish that when I entered singledom, I had your firm foundation.
Would have saved me much, much heartache and misery over the years.
But … let me share this … “1” thing with you.
Must be Divine Providence that I’m even sitting here writing to you right now anyway …
I have been trying to figure out this dream that I had last night where this algebraic equation kept scrolling across the “screen” of my dream. It was “X + Y = X (unless someone asks Y). I didn’t know what in the world that meant.
Then as I was “ruminating'” on it just now, I began to realize what the equation represented. It’s additive identity. Something I’d been helping jack with on his homework. But, in the dream and spiritual message … it meant so much more.
In this dream, my ex-husband were there … and as usual not being nice. Always suspicious of me and my motives … it hurts my feelings and has “in the past” led to esteem issues. Also, ours was a marriage in which my identity was based upon him and his acceptance. Took me about 15 years to realize his truth of me was not the TRUTH of me.
THus X + Y = X (when Y = 0) That’s the rule of additive identity.
X is still X … even when Y is not there. You are truly blessed LeeAnn … you had a Y who celebrated your identity … you complimented each other (where me and mine competed). You are going to do just fine in this “1” thing … You truly are ahead of the game! Keep making those “high kicks” like a real Rockette!
Carole
Thank you Lee Ann!
Lee Ann,
I love reading your blog. Even through your grief I can feel and hear Joy from the Lord. I find it very inspiring and makes me love our God even more. You are a blessed woman.
Lee Ann,
I met you at Keith’s veiwing but I feel like I know you because I’ve been praying daily for your family for awhile! Thank you for sharing your heart. Your open and soft
heart has already been used of the Lord…
I don’t know if I told you that evening that my father died in a car accident when he
and my mom were only 48. My mom is now 80 and she testifies that God has been
faithful every step of the way. I told Bethany and Joshua about it and told them that
the Lord became my Heavenly Father in a very special way when my dad died. They
related that they were already experiencing that. The Lord bless all three of you…you
are so on my heart!
Sue
I feel as though I am reading my thoughts and my own experiences, and am sure there are many who feel the same! I admit, there are times I wish I didn’t understand quite so well, but I love reading your blog, and you are in my prayers. Today I heard the analogy of facing grief being like a walk into a forest where you have never been. You have no idea what is in there when you begin the journey. You don’t know what will startle you or what will challenge you, and though you know you will get through it, you don’t know how long it will take. But, you enter knowing God is your protector.
Thank you for sharing your journey!
You’re a blessing!